Everyone should want to have an amicable divorce. It's less stressful, less expensive, and less time-consuming for all concerned parties. You and your spouse do have some control over the way your divorce proceeds, and you can greatly influence things with three easy moves. Read on and put into practice these ways to have a more amicable divorce.
1. Enhance Your Coping Skills
How we weather the ups and downs of life makes all the difference. No matter what type of relationship you have with your spouse, you can learn to cope with the stresses of divorce better. The specific coping skills you will need to work on include:
- Decision-making — When it comes to big decisions, don't try to make them based on emotions. For example, you may want to cling to the family home, but that might be a big mistake if it's expensive to maintain and too large for you alone.
- Communication — It's not uncommon to spend more time talking than listening. As you and your spouse begin to work on emotional issues like child custody, debt, property, and more, focus on listening to what your spouse is saying and in expressing your thoughts without resorting to emotional manipulations.
- Dealing with negative feelings — Divorce can be a time of bitterness and regret, and these feelings can be overwhelming to deal with. Rather than dwell on what might have been, refocus your energy on what you've learned and how things will be better in the future.
2. Avoid Playing the Blame Game
You must be able to come to terms with the divorce by taking responsibility for your part in how things happened. No relationship or person exists in isolation, and marriages break up for a mixture of reasons rather than one bad act of a spouse, at least in most cases. As you try to move forward, begin to think about divorce in terms of a new beginning and with a focus on being kind to yourself and others. Here are a few things to keep in mind when it comes to blame.
- Most states offer some variation on no-fault divorce, and many don't use fault when determining child custody, property, or debts issues.
- Fault may play a small part in alimony issues in some states, but not nearly as much as you might think.
- Fault can turn against you when it comes to things like child custody. If you are so upset with your spouse that you want to deprive them of time with the children, the judge may not be very understanding and your children may suffer from your actions.
3. Consider using a divorce mediator if things have become too contentious.
You can keep things away from the judge's gavel and resolve issues in a more amicable manner outside of court. To find out more tips on having an amicable divorce, speak to your divorce attorney.